i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
