If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
