You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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