ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
