Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Farmville is her only friend.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
