dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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