the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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