he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
