I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
