It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
