my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
