I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
