He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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