I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
