I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
