I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
