...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
