the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
