The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
