i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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