billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
