Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize