I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
