About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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