all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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