i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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