I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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