It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
