Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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