Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
