someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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