i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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