If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
