JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
