no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
