Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
