Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
