So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
