it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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