I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
