Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
