She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize