no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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