Sponge bath it is.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
