She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
