i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
