I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
