I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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