all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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