I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
