So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
