Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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