Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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