Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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