Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
