planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
