So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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