i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
