hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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