its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
