pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just want to make out with him forever
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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