ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
