First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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