She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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