Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
