I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
