Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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