Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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