So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
