Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
