I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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