I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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