Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
whose parrot is this?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
