every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
