My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
