My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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